Fulfilled

It is July already! It has been a hectic hectic month! Everything passed by very very quickly and i am so afraid that i might forget everything that has happened! So i promised myself i must must note down everything that this life i have been through to keep a reminder to myself, how God's love has brought me to this date! 

I have so many things to tell! Almost everyday, I am experiencing God's amazing grace. So much! Especially since the day i stepped into MTS. God has incredibly amazingly brought me here and that's another long story to tell. Long story short, I am in Sibu currently, attending theological school, learning and preparing, adopting a fulfilling life. It's been a week now. Everything is good, great! Though the pressure is there. We have heavy homework and tests. Let me ignore the details, and talk about things that gave me great impression. 

Total 14, 11 of us, 3 yet to come!

Waking up at 4:30am for almost every morning wasn't an easy task. But being able to attend to God and quiet down ourselves before the day begin never fails to lighten me up. Discipline life is what we desire for, and here it is. Embrace it, wen! I love saying good morning to every seminary students that ive met along the way. The sight of everyone walking together to classes, chapel and cleaning up eating hall was heartwarming. It feels like we all have one common goal, having the same purpose in life. I love love my table friends, the most helpful and encouraging people ever! Fyi, i am always the first person on the list. So i am always the first one to do things. First to lead prayer, praise and worship, first group in presenting, first table, first cleanup and there's more to come? You know, that feeling when you need to be strong and courageous every single time is :/ not really great. The fact that you can't say no is far worse. Nevertheless, God is a God who strengthen me, and those seminary students are being really really helpful and friendly!

看似酷酷的你，也是善良可爱的你 You looked pretty fierce for the first sight and sorry to say it was frightening! These kind of people is whom i am afraid of, not afraid per se, but i have to admit i find these people difficult to handle. Anyhow, i always always flash out my wide wide smile when i meet anyone here, and talked on any topic that i could think of. Surprisingly, you are my first little angel in MTS! I couldn't ask for more. Thank you! :)

Seminary student from China taught us how to cook dumplings, incredibly delicious! The night when we were still wondering what to have for dinner, there it is! 100++ homemade dumplings from the seminary student we do traineeship with. It is incredibly good. The fellowship on that night was awesome too, i get to know alot, learned a lot.

Fellowship and church that i am attending to serve, 福源堂. Big big church. The first time i've been here was for 三邦, a few years ago. This time around, i came back here as SMTS student. I may not be a Methodist nor know everything about Methodist, but God doesnt leave me out to learn and know Him better. I may not know mandarin really well, i may not be able to produce a literary work, and i even may not be able to speak intelligently! He again shows His acceptance for a sinner like me giving me chances and lead me closer towards the cross. Instead, MTS amazingly adopting english prayer and work! God's grace.

I have weaknesses, I have flaws. I am lacking but I couldn't wait to explore more!

My child

It's been a while since i've been listening to idol songs. I knew i should have stay away from these songs because it could make one feels overwhelmed. I was playing the guitar and wanted to sing. So i browsed the net not knowing what's new today, clicked on Boyce Avenue's covers and find them pretty nice. But wow, the songs are very affective! :/ Music has indeed a powerful effect on humans. Look how music can lead people into worshiping God and the other way round! But a note to self, if it gets overwhelming, stop listening.

So all the emotions and thoughts were in my head. Especially during this exam period?! Nooo. I was having pretty low self-esteem lately. I always thought that i am not smart smart enough, not humble enough, not friendly enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough whatever that i can think of! I guess i was struggling with faith, sinful for about trusting. But as i look up at the beautiful sky, this love and grace God gives, He is still there regardless how many times i rebel. 

Rather than wasting time looking at how other people are doing it, why not look at what God did for me! Look at what i can do for God and give Him my best! I do know when i abide in Him, what is mine will be mine and what is not, dear God, take it away will you. Help me in learning to trust you more. 

My child,

Don ever forget, everything is under my control!

Forever, i will know what is best for you， 

when will it be and how will it be,

Just trust me! 

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father'. (Romans 8:15) The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discourage. (Deuteronomy 31:8) What can mere mortals do to me? (Psalms 118:6) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. (Romans 8:37)

Loved

I love you, Father.

You are the beginning and the end. 

King of kings, my healer and friend.

Father, you made me and you plan my life.

It's amazing that i was born to be loved.

The days I have not known you, you have known me.

You know the number of my hairs on my head. 

You know all of my words before they are said.

You know my pain, my sorrows and my thoughts.

You live in me and I in you. 

Forgive me when i complained, 

when i wandered off and ran away.

Forgive me for walking ahead of you at times,

and listened only to mine. 

I know if i follow you, you will help me to get there.

I know where you are, is where i belong.

You always walk with me, O God.

There is none like You,

A place i fit perfectly. 

My heart will now let go,

Because you catch every tears of mine.

Because you are watching over me.

Thank you, Father.
I have found my hope.

只想说谢谢你

谢谢你, 把我形容的这么美丽 :)

Sometimes, i just wanna say thank you to all who have done so much and given so much to God. 

Hebrews 6:10 For God is not unjust, He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them. 

Detour

While i was sitting in the car, looking out from the window, i saw a girl standing at the bus stop alone, drinking beverage and staring blankly ahead. Then, i saw a group of girls, laughing pretty hard together and one even smacked her friend's shoulder because they were too excited. I look ahead. Everything feels bland at that moment. Everyone 'seems' to live their life according to their own way. So here i ask myself a question, do i live my life my way?

Often, i want to say things that i want and i want to do things that i like. I wish to tell her my problems and not being judged. Or I wish to tell him that i miss him and not being cheesy. I want to leave everything and travel abroad. I want to have a career that i'm in love with. I want to involve only in God's ministry. I keep running to pursue things that i thought i want. Nonetheless, at times, it is not up to us. Life's full of choices. It's scary that you might take the wrong one and you can't find a U-turn. You can only keep heading and try to figure out if there's another path to head back to the right track.

And then, bump! Detour! there comes knocking at the door sending food at the right time, caring words, chats and blessed gifts all around to tell me to stop and look around! I almost thought it was my birthday! God knew what exactly do i need, He knew that i need to slow down my pace instead of keep fighting. All of your kind acts are my motivation to be stronger. There will be times to weep, and there will be times to laugh! Thank you for pushing me further! You all are a bunch of blessings sent by God to me. This is so heartwarming and uplifting!

小天使们啊，你们太甜，我快招架不住了! 感动死我了，爱死你们了! <3

Time like this

There's always a time like this. When you started to think, is this too much to handle? I've been working a lot in church, doing a lot of ministry work. Not to forget i have few assignments due this week and the next. But there's always people telling me, wen, God would be please if you serve Him! Of course, with a heart focus only on God Himself. At time like this, i always try to figure things out myself, praying that i could have a little more faith in God that He provides. At time like this, a little angel would appear out of nowhere and reminded me that you are not alone. And at time like this, i could see perfectly how His grace works in me.

When i thought i was tired and no one understands, there's someone else working harder than i am, doing more things than i am. I am actually happy to know that we're in this together. Though we know that we will be tired and sometimes worries, but i am sure we will experience God's grace along the way! I cant predict what lies ahead of me. I don know where God wants to put me in. But i have a direction, which is towards Him. You know, especially when you're a free bird now, you have nothing to lose anymore. But don lose hope. Cause that's what keep pushing me through.

Just recently i am so grateful. I had discipleship and pastor told me things i cannot forget until now. She said, do you know when is the time when you need to tell your friends about God? It is when they share things with you and talk to you about their worries. My roommate currently are facing a lot of difficulties. She came to me and cried. Pastor's words kept swirling in my mind and i was struggling to find words. After she shared, i took the initiative and told her about God. We then prayed together for her. Even though she did not accept God the moment when i asked her if she's willing to accept Jesus Christ as her Savior, I was touched. Ever since then, whenever she's weary, she would talk to me. I don know how God is working on this, on her, but God is teaching me. Step by step, let me glorify your name dear God. :) Amen.

Ready?

Oh hi, i've been through a lot but i thank God i still survived. There are so much to tell, so much to say, but let's just keep it between me and God.

I am here to say, life is so much more than just getting a relationship, married and have babies. No doubts, i still long to have all that, if God's willing. But i am now finding myself, finding God. Good friends have never been so close and so sincere. I've found great things in life and i'm going to pursue as what God wants me to. Everyday, i'm experiencing God Himself, and each day i am alive again. Some of the great moments that i would wanna share is i have a dream now. i am no longer dependent on whoever to live my day and there's so much more to learn and room for improvement. I am grateful i am living through each day knowing today, God is holding me. When i look at the bigger picture, other little things really doesn't seem to be matter anymore. I am not ready now, to settle down, but i am ever ready to discover more. 

So dear God, if it's meant to be, bring me to it. If it's not, please do take it away from me.