a long post for a new year

This was the previous post that i have deleted earlier on.

Seriously, you're right. Stay away from me. Man, i thought you are different now, or perhaps you should know that you should've changed! After for so long, nope, i honestly do not think that was my problem anymore. I am very certain and clear now that you are just another asshole ive known.

Go, blessings from the bottom of my heart and go ahead. Claps for you. Well done on making me to hate you more. Don't, don't you ever show up in front of me anymore for the rest of my life. I am so done with you. Fullstop.

I admit i wasn't thinking properly at that time. I was outraged, so i blatantly telling everyone the assumptions that i've made which happened to be true and how i feel about all these. I regretted. Not because of you. But I feel sad for myself, because i have turned bitter unintendedly because of you.

That is why it is okay! because you have nothing to do with me anymore! It doesn't matter to me and now when i think back, it is not worthy. I would say it was a public display of stupidity at that moment. lol.

Me. We. deserve our own happiness. We lost something and yet we gained much more than we've ever needed. God is good, all the time. So here's a few of the things that i would really want to share.

1. I have resent much and mourn too much on my distorted life and i promised i would quit that. Things that we did in our life has its consequences. The past would sometimes haunt you and you would just wished you've never even started. But thank God, i am trying very hard and keeping strong to alter it back. I am grateful i am making some progress.

2. I have never celebrated birthday until the next day and the next next day. lol. omg, it was pretty awkward until i had to block my timeline from people posting onto my wall wishing me happy birthday *which is actually a belated one.! lol. I would say i am really happy that people are being sincere to give me their blessings and yet feeling expressionless for wishing me on the wrong date. But oh wells, i appreciate all of it and i am really thankful!!! Especially those who really remembered, I deeply appreciated it and all the gifts, they were all very amazing. I couldn't ask for more.

3. I really would like to thank a few people. My best girlfriend, she accompany me throughout the whole time, the bad and the good. couldn't have live without her. My close friend, even though he's being a jerk at times but still, i appreciate him for being there. My mentor a.k.a my advisor, taught me so much on handling ministry and the church. He's going back hometown to get married soon so i would definitely miss his presence here. All of my friends are being really lovely and you all made my life complete! My dad and mum, they are the best. They're my source of happiness. and God, definitely, He is life.

4. How could i forget to mention, my theme of the year. Honesty. Yeap, the theme i have set in the beginning of the year. hm, i think i do it okay! At least, I am not sorry for who i am today. and God, i hope you are pleased too.

5. I certainly am aware of the things that happened in msia this year. The catastrophes that made everyone in msia feeling distressed and weary in many ways. I truly feel bad for what happened. I can only pray for more hopes, in them and in me myself.

6. Our fathers discipline us for a little while as they thought best, but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Heb 12:10-11. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecc 3:11  Wait on the Lord as His timing is perfect. :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

真的

如果一个人 可以
如果自己 是好的
那好，我顺服

如果两个人 可以
如果我和你 是好的
那好，我愿意

负荷的回忆
可怜的距离
the difference,
明明这么清楚
对不起 我不明白
还在坚持什么

那曾经错过的
不想遗憾，追逐那自以为的
曾经。
很要好的我们
好朋友，暧昧
只在一线之差

生命不是生活
心里 灵里
the way we were
一个成长的过程 有你我他 还有祂
可不可以
不要来打扰
开心 难过 还有你
都藏在记忆里
这样就好。

PBIM2014

I was sick on friday. I've had a high fever. I was not able to go to class then. I felt so uncomfortable i slept for like 22 hours? Haha I have no idea. I barely can walk, no one was at home that time but I desperately needed a doctor so i went to a clinic just a walk down the street from my apartment. I was so angry when i found out the clinic was closed even before the closing time! So i didn't get to seek for medical help then. I went back, roommate made me some oat, ate panadol and slept it off. Thank God i was feeling better after that night. My body temperature started coming down and i finally had the appetite to eat.

At the particular time, I needed my mum the most. I felt like i was about to die. Haha! and then i got to rest for the day and something came up! A friend called and asked if i wanted to be a volunteer for penang bridge international marathon. I think i know nothing about life and death back then, i agreed without a second thought that i was still recovering. I packed up things at 9pm and went to the bridge with friends to work.

For the first time in forever, I stayed up the whole night, feeling a little weak, from sunset to sunrise and worked non-stop. I was giving out revive for the runners at the station 14. It was an amazing experience! I get to see large group of runners passed us by at the other side of the land, watched them run like it was some kind of performance haha and most importantly witnessed one of the glorious moment of the run- the sight of seeing first runner of full marathon running from afar towards the station without reducing his speed, swooped his hand and grabbed one of our cup, knocking down every other cups beside it and swooshed towards the end like an arrow shot forward. It was totally awesome.

Back then, I cannot understand why people are training so hard to endure the pain and suffering to run the marathon. It was certain that the run will be very painful and torturing. Even for the champion i bet. They need a whole lot of courage and determination to finish the long run. Without the hope that they hold onto, I doubt this would be an easy run for them. Maybe it was because of the glory, the rewards, or the sense of accomplishment that they would get after finishing the line. But i do believe that it is that hope that supported them to complete the task.

It is clear that, everyone need to hope and will hope. But some are perhaps struggling with the reason for the hope that they have. I hope you are not the one. Because when you had that reason, i believe you will run further. and after that night and day, i went back home, feeling exhausted yet contented with the job that i've done. Even though i didn't get any muscle pain from running, but i do get a backache for bending too much to pour the drink for the runners. seriously, i have never open up so many bottles of revive before. and praise to the Lord, i recovered. :)

touched

无与伦比的感动

Liar

If i had only 24 hours to breath,
what would i do?
what would i say?
For all we should have done, maybe it's not too late.
I'd give my love without holding back.
I'd give my heart out to the ocean and under the sky.

But. I am afraid.

骗谁啊，都这么久了
如果让我再次遇到你，
所谓的大方，应该是假的。
对不起，我还不能原谅你，也不能原谅我自己
夺走了那当初的一切
已经不存在了。

God, I know i can't be that far. Keep me safe.

分享

I shared my testimony in the prayer meeting. So why not i shared it here too. :) 

进去神学院接受装备短宣是我从来都没有想过我会做得一件事。感恩的是上帝让我有这个机会让我去经历这么多他的爱。在神学院里当然学习到很多。对我来说有两方面的学习。第一是生命灵命的学习和课业上的学习。我先讲课业上的好了。说真的我觉得很难。我们有很多的课程，例如有灵命塑造，我们在课上学习安静自己，花时间与神亲近。音乐分享，欣赏音乐所创造的美妙历史和带领人来敬拜神，荣耀神。圣经研经法，教导我们如何去查考圣经。诗班，训练我们用音乐来敬拜神。领袖与管家，教导我们每个人都是领导者，要做个有影响力和谦卑的领导者。宣教与布道，教导我们跨文化的宣教历史和需要。护教学，也就是我学习最多的一个课程，教导我们要如何维护我们的信仰，和坚定我们的信心。它让我真的从此也不会再怀疑我们的上帝。

在生命的学习呢，当然是更深层的一个经历。在纪律这方面，我真的学习到很多。我们每一天呢，都是大概430am 起床，515am 早祷会，7am 吃早餐就时候我们需要做工（洗盘，预备食物）我们就没办法早祷会过后回去补眠。8am就开始上课 到12am吃午餐到2pm又开始上课到430pm我们每星期会有一次的园艺和运动。到了晚上又开始上课。拜五呢，我们就会出外布道。Weekend 呢，就是我们去各自的堂会见习，也就是我们去看教会里的运作是怎么样的，和我们从中能学习到什么。我们会去那里的青团，有些得就会去bb/gb, 去那里崇拜，认识那里的牧师，领袖等。大概每一个星期都是这样的重复。感觉很可怕对不对，有吓倒你们吗？

不过，我想说有这两个月的训练才有今天的我。我不能说我现在很好，不过我不一样了。我学习什么叫合一，不管是谁，我们都是神学院的一份子，我们都要同心的一起来祷告，灵修，管理神学院，做上帝的工。像每个拜五的出外布道，牧师神学生短宣生都是一起行动。我们会过后一起用餐彼此交流，分享我们的布道对象。那感觉真的很好，只因我们是同伴，是同路人。我也学习到什么是纪律。我以前很少打扫得。不过在神学院，我们规定每个星期都有个大扫除。所以回到来的时候，只要我看到有不干净，我都会告诉自己，如果我没有清理，就永远不会有人清理它 我就会默默的打扫清理房子。我也学习到什么是把不可能变为可能。在短宣的时候我们碰到National Day of Prayer & Fasting 要40天进食一餐。我从来没有想过我可以每一天进食一餐。而感谢主我却做得到。

我也学习到什么是爱，在神学院里不是一个什么圣盛的地方，它也是一个罪人的地方，但是我们却是一起学习如何去脱离罪成为合神心意的一群人。还有我很爱的苗族，就是我的同伴短宣生，我们14位，每个都是很特别的小孩。少了一位也不行。为什么我会叫他们苗族呢，只因为每当我们讲一句话，比如“你都不在。。” 就会有人唱你不在~当我最需要爱~之类的。所以我们在班上很常会你说一句他唱一句。那时光真的很快乐。我们和牧师们的感情也都很好，他们就好像和我们一样，很可爱，很容易亲近。我印象很深刻的是当我们被差遣要出去短宣的时候，我们需要跪下来在chapel面前和领受智仁牧师的香膏油的时候，就是那么奇妙刚刚好就有14个kneeler给我们。我想说上帝的计划很奇妙，我不会忘记在那里我所学习到这一生的功课。更不会忘记和我一起奋斗的短宣生们。啊啊，我好想他们。 知道大家现在都在外面努力的奋斗，我也在这里，想要继续我们大家当初一起所拥有的热情，为主发光发亮做光做盐。

Truth

I have been searching, and trying.

Sometimes bring hope and sometimes shattered.

But I kept holding on, praying hard,

Knowing God knows what is best.

And then I got confused, I let go.

Sometimes right and sometimes wrong,

Until I see you,

I will never know. 

I feel different, you seem different too.

Sometimes yes and sometimes no,

But what is the matter, wen. 

This is the truth.  

It is okay, I can deal with it. (; 

acquaintance

That particular day when we had a combined prayer meeting, I was feeling rather tired and gloomy. I did not feel like going and i thought i could skipped. So i was dragging my feet to walk back home as i finished class at 5pm, cooked and showered. There i convinced myself to let go of everything and seek God.

With a heavy heart, i went there, sat at the back row, planning to do this in silence. A few minutes before the praise and worship, i thought God must be kidding when the lead asked us to come up front. I had to sit with someone else then. Worse, when it came to prayers, pastor told us to find someone we do not know as we all came from different churches and denominations, to form a small group and pray together. 

That night, was indeed the most tiring and yet wonderful prayer night. Me and jack found this auntie sat in the corner. So we went up to her and form a group. Surprisingly, that auntie was truly adorable and loving. We talked about a lot of things and her enthusiasms and energetic spirits struck me. I was feeling rather ashamed for a 22 year-old young woman who find herself boring and dull. Half way through the prayers, auntie lisa suddenly grabbed my hand and prayed for me. Twice! I was so surprised and touched to have someone being so sweet and concerned about me. After her long prayers, we said amen and i hugged her. She received and gave me a sweet kiss on the cheek! What she did next was even more astonishing, she took off her earrings and gave it to me! I was dumbfounded and eyed at jack for rescue. After a few rounds of elbow pushing, i accepted it with a grateful heart. She said something that i think i will never forget for the rest of my life.

"This is a gift from God, the love from God. I want you to remember tonight, as after tonight, you will be a changed young woman. God is going to use you and I believed that."

When I did not even believe myself, someone who don't know me, a stranger told me these. It was indeed a blessed night. God knows i have struggles within me. But the prayers were so powerful and our God is so real that i experienced Him. 

Auntie lisa, was my little angel that night. She even gave me her contact numbers and made me promised to call her when she came back from her visit to australia. Funny part of the story was, she thought me and jack were a pair. Nonetheless, I am still grateful I went to this prayer meeting and met auntie lisa. 

:/

I dreamed of you.
It feels surreal.
I wished we could stay the same.
It's a pain God says no,
where I can only follow.

I miss you. Can you miss me too?

Different

I am feeling a bit empty and lost.

For all of the sudden I couldn't adapt to this "new" environment.

The inner voice is screaming inside, 

needing for a relief that i couldn't seem to possibly find.

How is this possible,

How can it be,

I know that this is just a period,

where time will heal everything.

But God, I do not know how to response to the world again.

Teach me like how I was back there,

Why am I so sad,

I should have been well equipped.

To be out to the field and fight.

But why do I feel like the odd one out.

One against the world. Being unfashionable. Out of style.

I need to believe You made a difference by being different.

That is why I am different. Right?

It is okay wen, you just miss the people and the lectures. :) 

书

有很多的故事我不能一一的记录下来。有很多背后不为人知的秘密我不能大声地告诉你。有太多的事情我不能解释也不能说明白。有太多的感受我不能表露也不能转递。来得及吗？

我很爱躲在图书馆的某一个角落，安安静静的看我的书。只要一有时间，我都想呆在那里沉溺在我想看的书。我很珍惜这里，只要一想到我应该再也没有机会回到这里看书，我就想立刻把所有我还没看的书都把它读完。我们的人生就像是一本书。在过去的几年里，我写下了什么？在未来的白页里，我又想要写下什么？我都在挣扎想好好的写完一本书。但有的时候，我感觉快要写不下去了。我害怕自己写的不够好，害怕自己不会是一个让人想要翻阅的一本书。最近我都在写反思和心得，所谓的找回自己。课堂上的作业。真的让人一把鼻涕一把泪。是老了吗？还是累了？或许吧。皮肤暗淡，脸色憔悴。救命。

虽然日子忙碌，但很充实。上帝不断的给我机会学习，丰丰富富的加添我许多。更加得珍惜上帝对我的厚爱。满满的恩典。但我还在挣扎，想要揭晓许多的未知数。心里念着它，渴望拥有它。妏，太急了。不要把希望放在不对的地方。原以为我可以发掘的更多，明白的更多。才发现原来是这么的不容易。当我知道的越多的时候，反而让我思考的更多。可以吗？可行吗？复杂。救命。

Search Result

一群‘有问题’的家人。 无聊又好笑的家人。不断养肥我的家人。这里的一个大家庭，我很喜欢。只是时间在跑，有点赶不上。

All is well

I am getting afraid of clicking onto the news online. After four plane crashes, and few disasters happened around Israel and now another incident in Taiwan. Feeling rather emotional. Life. What will happen next, we will never know. But what is wrong here? What is God telling us through these accidents. What is happening now? I have been thinking.

Have you ever thought of doing something before it is too late? Like just do it wen, you don't know if you will have tomorrow. Everyday we live as though we will wake up tomorrow. We are sleeping soundly everyday worrying only what to eat or wear tomorrow. But we thought, what could we do? We can't possibly fly over to Taiwan and help the victims. We can't keep in touch with the victims' family and give them words of comfort. We said we were in great sorrow and felt for them, pray for them. Do we really know how they feel? I doubt myself. We are vulnerable. Life is. I do not know why do God let this happened. Why do they suffer. I cannot understand the big plan God is pursuing.

To think about being too late. I had a urge to express all my feelings and do what i think i wanted to the other day. But i held back. I am afraid of regrets. But I am afraid of making mistakes more. I had a bad day. Not a bad day per se, but I was feeling a bit tired. Tired of why do I always denying and rejecting the holy spirit working through me. There were times when i knew exactly what i should do, and what should be taken care of. Just why did i choose to ignore. I was so angry at myself. Feeling very stupid when i know things would be different if i was decisive enough. I deserved all these. I am not worthy, i thought to myself.

Why do God treat me so well. That you see, His plans are always extraordinary. He did the best thing when we least expected. When i thought i was being punished, for not listening to Him, He showed mercy and gave me another chance. I was evermore grateful for having such a gracious Lord. Though the time is near, decisions have to be made, but i want to wait. And i know i need to wait...

A month passed by, it is August already. So fast! I am starting to feel a bit sad that all these are going to end very soon. oh no, I think i am starting to miss the life here already! :( Cherishing and appreciating every single thing that happened here.

我的喜乐泉源. Love love all of them to bits. We thought that the numbers of smts students coming in were really few. But God has amazing plan. The loveliest people ever. Each and everyone of them are perfectly fit into the group. Everyone plays a role and completed us all. No less no more. Just perfect. :)

I was freaked out when i was asked to play a mix match with Rev Tie against Rev Ting. But it was my first and also the greatest ping pong tournament ever. Rev Tie is my "Papa" in my family group, being all nice and encouraging but yet has a bit of cold humor in him. Encouraged me whenever the ball went off and said it's okay, just a bit more! You can do this! Good ball! Woots! Cheers were all over the place, very uplifting!

Many events are coming up as you can see it's been a while since i last update any stuff on the net. I enjoy every exposure in every churches, fellowship and evangelism. Especially during evangelism, I am very happy i am gaining these new experiences. Things are getting a bit packed but all is well. God is good.

Fulfilled

It is July already! It has been a hectic hectic month! Everything passed by very very quickly and i am so afraid that i might forget everything that has happened! So i promised myself i must must note down everything that this life i have been through to keep a reminder to myself, how God's love has brought me to this date! 

I have so many things to tell! Almost everyday, I am experiencing God's amazing grace. So much! Especially since the day i stepped into MTS. God has incredibly amazingly brought me here and that's another long story to tell. Long story short, I am in Sibu currently, attending theological school, learning and preparing, adopting a fulfilling life. It's been a week now. Everything is good, great! Though the pressure is there. We have heavy homework and tests. Let me ignore the details, and talk about things that gave me great impression. 

Total 14, 11 of us, 3 yet to come!

Waking up at 4:30am for almost every morning wasn't an easy task. But being able to attend to God and quiet down ourselves before the day begin never fails to lighten me up. Discipline life is what we desire for, and here it is. Embrace it, wen! I love saying good morning to every seminary students that ive met along the way. The sight of everyone walking together to classes, chapel and cleaning up eating hall was heartwarming. It feels like we all have one common goal, having the same purpose in life. I love love my table friends, the most helpful and encouraging people ever! Fyi, i am always the first person on the list. So i am always the first one to do things. First to lead prayer, praise and worship, first group in presenting, first table, first cleanup and there's more to come? You know, that feeling when you need to be strong and courageous every single time is :/ not really great. The fact that you can't say no is far worse. Nevertheless, God is a God who strengthen me, and those seminary students are being really really helpful and friendly!

看似酷酷的你，也是善良可爱的你 You looked pretty fierce for the first sight and sorry to say it was frightening! These kind of people is whom i am afraid of, not afraid per se, but i have to admit i find these people difficult to handle. Anyhow, i always always flash out my wide wide smile when i meet anyone here, and talked on any topic that i could think of. Surprisingly, you are my first little angel in MTS! I couldn't ask for more. Thank you! :)

Seminary student from China taught us how to cook dumplings, incredibly delicious! The night when we were still wondering what to have for dinner, there it is! 100++ homemade dumplings from the seminary student we do traineeship with. It is incredibly good. The fellowship on that night was awesome too, i get to know alot, learned a lot.

Fellowship and church that i am attending to serve, 福源堂. Big big church. The first time i've been here was for 三邦, a few years ago. This time around, i came back here as SMTS student. I may not be a Methodist nor know everything about Methodist, but God doesnt leave me out to learn and know Him better. I may not know mandarin really well, i may not be able to produce a literary work, and i even may not be able to speak intelligently! He again shows His acceptance for a sinner like me giving me chances and lead me closer towards the cross. Instead, MTS amazingly adopting english prayer and work! God's grace.

I have weaknesses, I have flaws. I am lacking but I couldn't wait to explore more!

My child

It's been a while since i've been listening to idol songs. I knew i should have stay away from these songs because it could make one feels overwhelmed. I was playing the guitar and wanted to sing. So i browsed the net not knowing what's new today, clicked on Boyce Avenue's covers and find them pretty nice. But wow, the songs are very affective! :/ Music has indeed a powerful effect on humans. Look how music can lead people into worshiping God and the other way round! But a note to self, if it gets overwhelming, stop listening.

So all the emotions and thoughts were in my head. Especially during this exam period?! Nooo. I was having pretty low self-esteem lately. I always thought that i am not smart smart enough, not humble enough, not friendly enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough whatever that i can think of! I guess i was struggling with faith, sinful for about trusting. But as i look up at the beautiful sky, this love and grace God gives, He is still there regardless how many times i rebel. 

Rather than wasting time looking at how other people are doing it, why not look at what God did for me! Look at what i can do for God and give Him my best! I do know when i abide in Him, what is mine will be mine and what is not, dear God, take it away will you. Help me in learning to trust you more. 

My child,

Don ever forget, everything is under my control!

Forever, i will know what is best for you， 

when will it be and how will it be,

Just trust me! 

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father'. (Romans 8:15) The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discourage. (Deuteronomy 31:8) What can mere mortals do to me? (Psalms 118:6) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. (Romans 8:37)

Loved

I love you, Father.

You are the beginning and the end. 

King of kings, my healer and friend.

Father, you made me and you plan my life.

It's amazing that i was born to be loved.

The days I have not known you, you have known me.

You know the number of my hairs on my head. 

You know all of my words before they are said.

You know my pain, my sorrows and my thoughts.

You live in me and I in you. 

Forgive me when i complained, 

when i wandered off and ran away.

Forgive me for walking ahead of you at times,

and listened only to mine. 

I know if i follow you, you will help me to get there.

I know where you are, is where i belong.

You always walk with me, O God.

There is none like You,

A place i fit perfectly. 

My heart will now let go,

Because you catch every tears of mine.

Because you are watching over me.

Thank you, Father.
I have found my hope.

只想说谢谢你

谢谢你, 把我形容的这么美丽 :)

Sometimes, i just wanna say thank you to all who have done so much and given so much to God. 

Hebrews 6:10 For God is not unjust, He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them. 

Detour

While i was sitting in the car, looking out from the window, i saw a girl standing at the bus stop alone, drinking beverage and staring blankly ahead. Then, i saw a group of girls, laughing pretty hard together and one even smacked her friend's shoulder because they were too excited. I look ahead. Everything feels bland at that moment. Everyone 'seems' to live their life according to their own way. So here i ask myself a question, do i live my life my way?

Often, i want to say things that i want and i want to do things that i like. I wish to tell her my problems and not being judged. Or I wish to tell him that i miss him and not being cheesy. I want to leave everything and travel abroad. I want to have a career that i'm in love with. I want to involve only in God's ministry. I keep running to pursue things that i thought i want. Nonetheless, at times, it is not up to us. Life's full of choices. It's scary that you might take the wrong one and you can't find a U-turn. You can only keep heading and try to figure out if there's another path to head back to the right track.

And then, bump! Detour! there comes knocking at the door sending food at the right time, caring words, chats and blessed gifts all around to tell me to stop and look around! I almost thought it was my birthday! God knew what exactly do i need, He knew that i need to slow down my pace instead of keep fighting. All of your kind acts are my motivation to be stronger. There will be times to weep, and there will be times to laugh! Thank you for pushing me further! You all are a bunch of blessings sent by God to me. This is so heartwarming and uplifting!

小天使们啊，你们太甜，我快招架不住了! 感动死我了，爱死你们了! <3

Time like this

There's always a time like this. When you started to think, is this too much to handle? I've been working a lot in church, doing a lot of ministry work. Not to forget i have few assignments due this week and the next. But there's always people telling me, wen, God would be please if you serve Him! Of course, with a heart focus only on God Himself. At time like this, i always try to figure things out myself, praying that i could have a little more faith in God that He provides. At time like this, a little angel would appear out of nowhere and reminded me that you are not alone. And at time like this, i could see perfectly how His grace works in me.

When i thought i was tired and no one understands, there's someone else working harder than i am, doing more things than i am. I am actually happy to know that we're in this together. Though we know that we will be tired and sometimes worries, but i am sure we will experience God's grace along the way! I cant predict what lies ahead of me. I don know where God wants to put me in. But i have a direction, which is towards Him. You know, especially when you're a free bird now, you have nothing to lose anymore. But don lose hope. Cause that's what keep pushing me through.

Just recently i am so grateful. I had discipleship and pastor told me things i cannot forget until now. She said, do you know when is the time when you need to tell your friends about God? It is when they share things with you and talk to you about their worries. My roommate currently are facing a lot of difficulties. She came to me and cried. Pastor's words kept swirling in my mind and i was struggling to find words. After she shared, i took the initiative and told her about God. We then prayed together for her. Even though she did not accept God the moment when i asked her if she's willing to accept Jesus Christ as her Savior, I was touched. Ever since then, whenever she's weary, she would talk to me. I don know how God is working on this, on her, but God is teaching me. Step by step, let me glorify your name dear God. :) Amen.

Ready?

Oh hi, i've been through a lot but i thank God i still survived. There are so much to tell, so much to say, but let's just keep it between me and God.

I am here to say, life is so much more than just getting a relationship, married and have babies. No doubts, i still long to have all that, if God's willing. But i am now finding myself, finding God. Good friends have never been so close and so sincere. I've found great things in life and i'm going to pursue as what God wants me to. Everyday, i'm experiencing God Himself, and each day i am alive again. Some of the great moments that i would wanna share is i have a dream now. i am no longer dependent on whoever to live my day and there's so much more to learn and room for improvement. I am grateful i am living through each day knowing today, God is holding me. When i look at the bigger picture, other little things really doesn't seem to be matter anymore. I am not ready now, to settle down, but i am ever ready to discover more. 

So dear God, if it's meant to be, bring me to it. If it's not, please do take it away from me. 

Dad

I miss my dad.

He is the typical kind of daddy. He doesn't smoke but he would drink a little together with mummy when he's in the mood. He doesnt know how to say i love you but he always provides us with things that we need and want. He doesnt know how to take care of us and always scolded us when we get sick but he would immediately go all the way to town and buy medicine for us. He doesnt know how to talk but he would always wanted to know more about us until at one time he complained to my mum that i didnt call back home for a long time already. Aw. :)

He may not be the smartest dad or the richest dad, but he's always at his best in making the family laugh and be happy. Look how cute he is in selfie. :P and look at those wrinkles and white hair, makes me feel so sad and reminds me that he's getting really old. I am still not able to give it back to him even if i wanted to. I am still not able to say dad, don worry, let me take care of this. All i can do is to pray and stop worrying him with little things. I feel so sad when i listened to his voice moments ago. He got sick and i feel so bad that i couldnt do anything to help. It was funny but sweet tho, that it's my turn now to scold him back for getting sick. I know how it feels now. My family is my weakness. I can bear with all other pains and sufferings but not my family if someone else is trying to say things about them or hurt them. Until at one point I can just talk about my family and cry every single time because they are so dear to me.

So dear God, please do not take away my dad before he knows you. Please please touch his heart with your holy spirit and shower him with love. Rinse away all his wrongs and bring him back to you. I believe my purpose in Your hand that you place me in this family to be the light and salt. I have strong faith in You O'Lord, to wait until that one day we all will be in the church to worship You and praise You. Amen.

你懂得爱吗?

那天，有个将踏入婚姻的朋友跟我们述说了他与她的故事
论到求婚，筹备婚姻，酒席，我们女生 就兴奋了起来
谈论该去哪里蜜月旅行啊 拍婚纱照呀 喜宴啊 等等 等等
一副很有经验的样子 告诉他女孩梦寐以求 想往的婚姻样式
说的如此如此的美好 似童话般公主与王子的浪漫
朋友就一副 害羞 cool cool 的尴尬傻笑了

我，并没有单身的恩赐
我还很想往披上美丽雪白的婚纱
盼望拥有一个温暖的家
喜欢那一个人会因为拥有你而感到骄傲
欣赏那一个人的努力让你过着幸福快乐的生活

箴言31：10-12
她的儿女起来称她为福，她的丈夫也称赞她说:
才德的女子很多，唯独你超过一切.
Aaah, 如果女孩被男孩这么称赞 真的是超级无敌浪漫的啦啦啦

然而，我们都忘了 真实的爱
时间久了 我们总想去改变一个人 改变成为你所想往的那一个人
又或者 我们总是想改变自己 成为他所喜欢的那一个人
你反复的看自己，问自己 是你的问题吗 到底对不对？
爱的不单纯 反成了压力和枷锁
我们并不是不爱 而是因为太爱 太喜欢 太在意
而忘了怎么去爱 爱的不完全

我想起了你 曾经豁出去的爱
我曾经对自己很有信心 我第一次的恋爱不会失败 因为我等候了
可惜我错了 因为我不懂得那所谓上帝说的 完全的爱 无私的爱
但我相信 上帝想让我们重新学习爱 这功课是个大大的祝福
哥林多前书 13 所说的 爱的真谛
在上帝里的爱 找回自己 懂得爱的自由

我并没有放弃爱情 我只是再等候那双倍的爱情 祂和他的爱情 :)

勇敢

"谢谢你 因为你很勇敢
你提醒了我每次 都该好好去做每一件事
你常常有股活力 能够感染身边的人，
而我觉得它是上帝给你的恩赐."

这几句话 让我想起上帝许多次的给我机会 来荣耀祂的名
许多得来不易的教导和教训
而我却很常觉得自己总是 处在软弱的情况下
从以前到现在 我都会每次上台过后 留下小小的遗憾
总说我其实可以做的更好
所以 当得到许许多多身边的人的称赞的时候
我都不愿意承认 我都告诉大家 我其实很软弱
常常因为这样 就忽略了上帝给我的恩典

还记得 你曾经对我说，
你知道吗？只有懂得自己软弱的人
才懂得上帝的大能，才懂得享受上帝的爱
我记在心里 因为我必夸我的软弱 好叫上帝的能力覆庇我
在神的能力上显得完全
我要守护着这股spirit 用生命去影响生命
感谢父神常常 在我最难过的时候
透过我身边的人 告诉我 一切都在主的掌管之中
祂，真的在乎我. :)

公主

我常说：我不是公主
但这些经历让我发现，我是你的公主

我什么都不想做的时候，你总会愿意做
把我的需要看成你的需要
为我张罗，把我放在心上
有时间就约我，好吃的总爱分给我
美的就买给我，有话就告诉我
在我的担心与问题上，真心提供意见，给我安慰
在我期待与梦想中，认真与我分享过程，一起筑梦
把我的幸福看为你的幸福

那天，上帝告诉我，公主只管开开心心，漂漂亮亮，自然而然就好
我就会让他看见你
然后他就会知道：就是你
当他跟我确认，勇敢地前来争取时
这一切就成了！

感谢阿爸，让我拥有这个身份
拥有被捧在掌心上的一个生命，
我期待自己是个称职美丽的公主
好让我父为我骄傲.

Gift

'Teach them to obey everything i have commanded you, and surely I am always with you to the end of the age.' Matt 28:20 

God sees everything good or bad as beautiful and are able to turn it into a blessings. I went to Nick Vujicic's video testimony last friday, invited one of my closest friend in uni to watch his wonderful testimony. We went in with a blank pieces of paper, were told to write three points on 'I am distinctly beautiful because...' If you were to asked by this particular question too, what would you say? think about it. :) My answers were,

I am distinctly beautiful because,

1. I'm not a person with a disability nor face defect.

2. I have a loving family who is proud of me.

3. I'm God's precious daughter.

Life is real, but yet life may not be as beautiful as you think. No matter how much you've wanted or planned your life to be. To have a nice house, to own a cool car, to have a family, to marry a great husband and have kids, to live your life working the career you've always dreamed of, life is still not perfect. Everything will be passed just like that, like you're in a LIVE show, and you couldnt have a rewind or a pause. You gotta move into another show.

And God is real too, more real than you could've imagined. You may say i cannot see, i cannot feel, i cannot touch, but He always are able to show Himself in life to tell us that He is incredibly in love with you and hope you realized that. Each and everyone of us could live and pursue a better life, but why dont we opt for a beautiful one when it is right there before you to say yes to that amazing gift. Focusing on temporary things will only give you temporary happiness, why dont search for an eternal ones. Go, and find out. Find out where's your happiness. Search and look if Jesus Christ is working for you. Remember, God has a purpose for us and this world to live a beautiful life till the end.

ps. 我将这本书送给你，希望你能从GIFT里每天从祂话语中得到那份活着的力量. 生日快乐．(:

Time

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. James 1:12

It doesnt bother me that much anymore. Although it somehow still will. I would still even dream of it. But i told myself, i shouldnt be thinking of the past anymore. I had a deal with myself. I'm letting it go. I'm getting over it. Fingers crossed.

For the past few weeks, ive been occupied with stuff, lots of stuff. Uni, church, friends, and spiritual self. I admitted that ive been taking up things to make myself busy. Though, im happily working on every single thing, i still complained on how little 'me' time to have a cup of nice coffee when i have to involved in all these activities. Life has been pretty hectic. But i'm contented. and a little selfish for not wanting to bother anyone else but myself. 

And then i realized, i needed a change. I know i'm the idiot here and thank you to all of you who chose to bear with me till the end. Or maybe perhaps that is why, i needed to be good. Im having this thought that i hope for the good memories to stay and to forget the bad ones. God is good, it's just that i barely hear from Him yet. I will when it's time. 

There's nothing to be not happy. God is with you. So let it be. :)

Maturity

When i do not know what to do, what to say and which to decide, I flustered. I was in a total confusion. I was in the state of being weak. I needed hope. I needed maturity. Spiritual maturity.

I needed to get away with all the childish act and naive thoughts. I got to tell you that, i need a break from it. I need you to control your emotions before you talk. It is when we can sit down and talk about everything, properly. Honor each other, relate to and think for each other. Let us see what God sees, feel what God feels and think positively. I wish we could pray for everything, take things slowly, see properly what God wants us to do. Be it the ending is not what we always wanted, I want to commit all to God. Put Him in priority and believe in His will. I wish we could pray every single time together after we finished a discussion. I wish we always put God in the picture and believe He will make a way. Maturity is what we needed in a godly relationship. 

When we put God first, all other things will fall into their proper place. 

Matt 6:33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Keeper

Believing miracles that God would do in our everyday lives and having the hope for tomorrow. What more could we ask for. Be strong and faithful, look beyond the world, for we are prepared for God's kingdom. Guard our heart and walk with God. And remember, whenever i miss you, i'll pray for you. Always, i'll keep you in my heart.

在这一切的酸甜苦辣 喜怒悲欢 

只渴望因着信而更坚韧 更达观 更有盼望. 爱 真的可以很美.

So dear to me

He said, the one thing he looked forward to, was to see her smile on his birthday. So he bought her flowers which she always nagged him with and treated her like a princess. She said, she wanted him to feel special and memorable on his birthday. So she too, made him a surprise by inviting all his friends over together celebrating with his family when he thought the day has ended. That was how he wanted her to be happy and she wanted him to be happy.

There, there, happiness overload. It was such a sweet time. Being together, and watching you receiving blessings from family and friends was a meaningful moment. Then, we talked about dreams and future. What's your dream?, I asked. How you wanted your life to be in the future? Some people wanted to live in a big city and drive good cars. Some people wanted to help the sick and serve in the hospital and some people wanted to have a family and kids. It was weird. I didnt know mine. Not anymore. I once wanted to go overseas and live a different life. I once wanted to take up pilot and fly. I now think about my family when i dream, my calling when i dream, and dearest you when i dream. I remember i asked him a few times these questions. He didnt need to say much, only these, "My dream includes you. Wherever i'll be, i wanted to be with you."

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

Love never fails

Review

长过 也短过
圈过 也直过

肥过 也瘦过

白过 也黑过

丑过 也美过

好过 也坏过

2014 请问你 想怎么度过？

想啊想　就为着去年和今年　祷告了　

感恩　欣慰　醒悟　然后　立志

脑海里就浮现　真诚　这两个字　

好吧　它，就是我今年的主题　

每当我事奉的时候　要真诚

每当我待人的时候　要真诚

每当我祷告的时候　要真诚

每当我难过的时候　要真诚

即便有多么不愉快的事情　我都好想拥有颗最真诚的心

不把任何事都想得太复杂　好好　

可以不用去理会那可怕又听不见恶毒的心思　好好

可以真实的经历上帝的恩典和无私的爱  好好

所以 记住了!　把你的主题 挂在每一天所遇到的事情上　

对神对人 都献出最真诚的心灵 

你呢？想想一个属于你自己的主题吧 

让后再把它牢记在心底 在任何的人事物 以你的主题来度过你的2014.

新年蒙恩！

Matt 22:37, 79 Jesus replied，Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. And the second that is, Love your neighbour as yourself