Different

I am feeling a bit empty and lost.

For all of the sudden I couldn't adapt to this "new" environment.

The inner voice is screaming inside, 

needing for a relief that i couldn't seem to possibly find.

How is this possible,

How can it be,

I know that this is just a period,

where time will heal everything.

But God, I do not know how to response to the world again.

Teach me like how I was back there,

Why am I so sad,

I should have been well equipped.

To be out to the field and fight.

But why do I feel like the odd one out.

One against the world. Being unfashionable. Out of style.

I need to believe You made a difference by being different.

That is why I am different. Right?

It is okay wen, you just miss the people and the lectures. :) 

书

有很多的故事我不能一一的记录下来。有很多背后不为人知的秘密我不能大声地告诉你。有太多的事情我不能解释也不能说明白。有太多的感受我不能表露也不能转递。来得及吗？

我很爱躲在图书馆的某一个角落，安安静静的看我的书。只要一有时间，我都想呆在那里沉溺在我想看的书。我很珍惜这里，只要一想到我应该再也没有机会回到这里看书，我就想立刻把所有我还没看的书都把它读完。我们的人生就像是一本书。在过去的几年里，我写下了什么？在未来的白页里，我又想要写下什么？我都在挣扎想好好的写完一本书。但有的时候，我感觉快要写不下去了。我害怕自己写的不够好，害怕自己不会是一个让人想要翻阅的一本书。最近我都在写反思和心得，所谓的找回自己。课堂上的作业。真的让人一把鼻涕一把泪。是老了吗？还是累了？或许吧。皮肤暗淡，脸色憔悴。救命。

虽然日子忙碌，但很充实。上帝不断的给我机会学习，丰丰富富的加添我许多。更加得珍惜上帝对我的厚爱。满满的恩典。但我还在挣扎，想要揭晓许多的未知数。心里念着它，渴望拥有它。妏，太急了。不要把希望放在不对的地方。原以为我可以发掘的更多，明白的更多。才发现原来是这么的不容易。当我知道的越多的时候，反而让我思考的更多。可以吗？可行吗？复杂。救命。

Search Result

一群‘有问题’的家人。 无聊又好笑的家人。不断养肥我的家人。这里的一个大家庭，我很喜欢。只是时间在跑，有点赶不上。

All is well

I am getting afraid of clicking onto the news online. After four plane crashes, and few disasters happened around Israel and now another incident in Taiwan. Feeling rather emotional. Life. What will happen next, we will never know. But what is wrong here? What is God telling us through these accidents. What is happening now? I have been thinking.

Have you ever thought of doing something before it is too late? Like just do it wen, you don't know if you will have tomorrow. Everyday we live as though we will wake up tomorrow. We are sleeping soundly everyday worrying only what to eat or wear tomorrow. But we thought, what could we do? We can't possibly fly over to Taiwan and help the victims. We can't keep in touch with the victims' family and give them words of comfort. We said we were in great sorrow and felt for them, pray for them. Do we really know how they feel? I doubt myself. We are vulnerable. Life is. I do not know why do God let this happened. Why do they suffer. I cannot understand the big plan God is pursuing.

To think about being too late. I had a urge to express all my feelings and do what i think i wanted to the other day. But i held back. I am afraid of regrets. But I am afraid of making mistakes more. I had a bad day. Not a bad day per se, but I was feeling a bit tired. Tired of why do I always denying and rejecting the holy spirit working through me. There were times when i knew exactly what i should do, and what should be taken care of. Just why did i choose to ignore. I was so angry at myself. Feeling very stupid when i know things would be different if i was decisive enough. I deserved all these. I am not worthy, i thought to myself.

Why do God treat me so well. That you see, His plans are always extraordinary. He did the best thing when we least expected. When i thought i was being punished, for not listening to Him, He showed mercy and gave me another chance. I was evermore grateful for having such a gracious Lord. Though the time is near, decisions have to be made, but i want to wait. And i know i need to wait...

A month passed by, it is August already. So fast! I am starting to feel a bit sad that all these are going to end very soon. oh no, I think i am starting to miss the life here already! :( Cherishing and appreciating every single thing that happened here.

我的喜乐泉源. Love love all of them to bits. We thought that the numbers of smts students coming in were really few. But God has amazing plan. The loveliest people ever. Each and everyone of them are perfectly fit into the group. Everyone plays a role and completed us all. No less no more. Just perfect. :)

I was freaked out when i was asked to play a mix match with Rev Tie against Rev Ting. But it was my first and also the greatest ping pong tournament ever. Rev Tie is my "Papa" in my family group, being all nice and encouraging but yet has a bit of cold humor in him. Encouraged me whenever the ball went off and said it's okay, just a bit more! You can do this! Good ball! Woots! Cheers were all over the place, very uplifting!

Many events are coming up as you can see it's been a while since i last update any stuff on the net. I enjoy every exposure in every churches, fellowship and evangelism. Especially during evangelism, I am very happy i am gaining these new experiences. Things are getting a bit packed but all is well. God is good.

Fulfilled

It is July already! It has been a hectic hectic month! Everything passed by very very quickly and i am so afraid that i might forget everything that has happened! So i promised myself i must must note down everything that this life i have been through to keep a reminder to myself, how God's love has brought me to this date! 

I have so many things to tell! Almost everyday, I am experiencing God's amazing grace. So much! Especially since the day i stepped into MTS. God has incredibly amazingly brought me here and that's another long story to tell. Long story short, I am in Sibu currently, attending theological school, learning and preparing, adopting a fulfilling life. It's been a week now. Everything is good, great! Though the pressure is there. We have heavy homework and tests. Let me ignore the details, and talk about things that gave me great impression. 

Total 14, 11 of us, 3 yet to come!

Waking up at 4:30am for almost every morning wasn't an easy task. But being able to attend to God and quiet down ourselves before the day begin never fails to lighten me up. Discipline life is what we desire for, and here it is. Embrace it, wen! I love saying good morning to every seminary students that ive met along the way. The sight of everyone walking together to classes, chapel and cleaning up eating hall was heartwarming. It feels like we all have one common goal, having the same purpose in life. I love love my table friends, the most helpful and encouraging people ever! Fyi, i am always the first person on the list. So i am always the first one to do things. First to lead prayer, praise and worship, first group in presenting, first table, first cleanup and there's more to come? You know, that feeling when you need to be strong and courageous every single time is :/ not really great. The fact that you can't say no is far worse. Nevertheless, God is a God who strengthen me, and those seminary students are being really really helpful and friendly!

看似酷酷的你，也是善良可爱的你 You looked pretty fierce for the first sight and sorry to say it was frightening! These kind of people is whom i am afraid of, not afraid per se, but i have to admit i find these people difficult to handle. Anyhow, i always always flash out my wide wide smile when i meet anyone here, and talked on any topic that i could think of. Surprisingly, you are my first little angel in MTS! I couldn't ask for more. Thank you! :)

Seminary student from China taught us how to cook dumplings, incredibly delicious! The night when we were still wondering what to have for dinner, there it is! 100++ homemade dumplings from the seminary student we do traineeship with. It is incredibly good. The fellowship on that night was awesome too, i get to know alot, learned a lot.

Fellowship and church that i am attending to serve, 福源堂. Big big church. The first time i've been here was for 三邦, a few years ago. This time around, i came back here as SMTS student. I may not be a Methodist nor know everything about Methodist, but God doesnt leave me out to learn and know Him better. I may not know mandarin really well, i may not be able to produce a literary work, and i even may not be able to speak intelligently! He again shows His acceptance for a sinner like me giving me chances and lead me closer towards the cross. Instead, MTS amazingly adopting english prayer and work! God's grace.

I have weaknesses, I have flaws. I am lacking but I couldn't wait to explore more!

My child

It's been a while since i've been listening to idol songs. I knew i should have stay away from these songs because it could make one feels overwhelmed. I was playing the guitar and wanted to sing. So i browsed the net not knowing what's new today, clicked on Boyce Avenue's covers and find them pretty nice. But wow, the songs are very affective! :/ Music has indeed a powerful effect on humans. Look how music can lead people into worshiping God and the other way round! But a note to self, if it gets overwhelming, stop listening.

So all the emotions and thoughts were in my head. Especially during this exam period?! Nooo. I was having pretty low self-esteem lately. I always thought that i am not smart smart enough, not humble enough, not friendly enough, not pretty enough, not rich enough whatever that i can think of! I guess i was struggling with faith, sinful for about trusting. But as i look up at the beautiful sky, this love and grace God gives, He is still there regardless how many times i rebel. 

Rather than wasting time looking at how other people are doing it, why not look at what God did for me! Look at what i can do for God and give Him my best! I do know when i abide in Him, what is mine will be mine and what is not, dear God, take it away will you. Help me in learning to trust you more. 

My child,

Don ever forget, everything is under my control!

Forever, i will know what is best for you， 

when will it be and how will it be,

Just trust me! 

The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father'. (Romans 8:15) The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discourage. (Deuteronomy 31:8) What can mere mortals do to me? (Psalms 118:6) No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. (Romans 8:37)

Loved

I love you, Father.

You are the beginning and the end. 

King of kings, my healer and friend.

Father, you made me and you plan my life.

It's amazing that i was born to be loved.

The days I have not known you, you have known me.

You know the number of my hairs on my head. 

You know all of my words before they are said.

You know my pain, my sorrows and my thoughts.

You live in me and I in you. 

Forgive me when i complained, 

when i wandered off and ran away.

Forgive me for walking ahead of you at times,

and listened only to mine. 

I know if i follow you, you will help me to get there.

I know where you are, is where i belong.

You always walk with me, O God.

There is none like You,

A place i fit perfectly. 

My heart will now let go,

Because you catch every tears of mine.

Because you are watching over me.

Thank you, Father.
I have found my hope.

只想说谢谢你

谢谢你, 把我形容的这么美丽 :)

Sometimes, i just wanna say thank you to all who have done so much and given so much to God. 

Hebrews 6:10 For God is not unjust, He will not forget your work and the love you have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them.